A Part of The Process

Often times I've stared at the "bigger picture" so long that I foolishly missed the intricate details that are all "a part of the process", but not on today. So I finally moved in with mom and have not been back home since I left for college in 1998. I said in a previous post that initially I had a little anxiety about this but now I've embraced it entirely and am just thankful to have a mom to come home to. As I unpack and condense my life as much as possible, I start to think that in so many ways this is out of my "comfort zone" but the start of my necessary isolation period. Yes, it's self induced but non the less it's still a detachment. All of what I've known for my entire independent life is now paused, reserved, conformed, and realigned to follow suit with this step of my journey. It's not unrealistic for a Peace Corps assignment to change or a date to be altered so that is going to dictate how long I'll be here with my mother. To pass my time I'm hoping to do the following: read most of the books I've collected from thrift stores and Barnes & Noble over the past 2 years in order to make me a more educated business woman; I'd like to add my financial(s) for my company to the business plan I'm almost done writing; I'd like to make some minor adjustments to my website; and lastly, I want to ensure that mom has no worries with my financial obligations while I'm away so I'm tying up loose ends. Two months will fly by so I'd better get started..... #necessaryadjustment

2 for 1

This is a 2 for 1 post because I've quickly fallen behind over the last two days but I'll condense my happenings and thoughts into this one re-cap.

Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving....in the midst of chaos and it marking the worst holiday I've ever had, I can still firmly declare my gratefulness for my mother, my sister, and my friends.

Today started out rough. I had to re-commit to my future and remind myself that my past was yesterday, and today is a new day. I got really great advice from an old friend who said this, "Dawn when you leave, you should do it with a free heart, not weighed down by loose-ended troubles". So I made up in my mind that I would leave empty for Malawi in order to be filled adequately by the experience that awaits me. Also, I'm moving in with my mother tomorrow morning. I didn't initially think I'd look forward to it seeing as I haven't been back since high school but I'm actually embracing this part of the process. I'm thankful to have a mother to go back too.

Thanksgiving Day

I'm thankful for my family, friends, stable mind, able body, health, strength, and personal relationship with God. He's been so good that one day is simply not enough to express my gratitude so tomorrow, the next day, and the next I'll continue to be thankful.

Holidays Aren't The Same When You Exchange Your Life For Fame

Today marks the day of preparation for many families who will fellowship on tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Today there will be plenty of cooking over conversation and cocktails. Perhaps this is going to be the highlight of the day for millions of families across America, including mine. In my past I've generally brought my grateful attitude along side my hearty appetite, on the day before and the day of Thanksgiving, but this year it's going to be different. This year I find it necessary to tarry a little longer with loved ones because I won't share in such an occasion among them in 2011.

I woke up this morning feeling like holidays aren't the same when you exchange your life for fame. Fame in what sense you may be thinking? For me personally, it means to publicly open my life up for observation of my character during service abroad, and to be critiqued microscopically by my U.S. counterparts (family, friends, or acquaintances) and even those parties in the foreign land in which I'll travel. I will also forgo so many things that I'm used to doing, having, experiencing, seeing, and being a part of. One of those very things are U.S. Holidays, especially Thanksgiving. This year they just will not be the same because I think to myself that I've never missed one, so this year I must find it in me to love beyond the midnight oil and soak up the laughs so that I can replay them along my journey because next year I'll miss one. I ask myself daily is it going to be worth it? I smile, connect with my heart to the bigger picture, and then I re-commit. #again&again&again

Tragedies, Mishaps, and Memorials

The 90 day countdown isn't even two days underway and man has it already been a little mind boggling. I was burning the midnight oil from having had such a productive day on yesterday when my surfing the world wide web produced a link titled "Fallen PCVs", which stands for Fallen Peace Corps Volunteers. The site is dedicated as a memorial to those people who died while serving in their host country. It's filled with their courage, wonderful qualities but also it outlines the tragedies and mishaps that caused their death. It's bitter-sweet and naturally I thought to myself, "Dawn this is yet another possible reality".

So I'm reading names, looking at death years, and perusing over the many causes of deaths. Some volunteers fell to their death naturally, some took illness, some were killed, and some injured severely in accidents. But the overall gist of the site is to create a memorial for honoring the work, commitment, and service rendered, so in my sharing today I'm sharing the link: http://www.fpcv.org/fallen_pcvs.htm Here's to my "89 days to departure". My promise is that I'll always have the courage to be transparent as a way to expose my fears, mistakes, and/or hurts in order to help someone else. Again, this is apart of my journey and I won't pretend that it's perfect and that I don't have days of uncertainty or clouded thoughts. In closing this entry, this one thing is for sure: although my biggest fear has always been to die and still be full, it's far worth it to me to take the chance and risk dying by giving back to this world

90 Day Countdown

...here I am at the computer thinking to myself how many intricate task I have to address in order to comfortably leave for Africa for 2 years. ***deep breath, then exhale*** My mind has been in so many different places over the past month simply because I've got so much to do. Let's see:  I'm letting my hair grow out, thinking how many "dresses" I'd better take with me, making spreadsheets for the VIP (Very Important People) who will tend to my affairs while I'm away, organizing my life administratively so that I can carry it with me on a jump drive lol, getting ready to move in with my mom this week, downsizing so that I can learn to live simply, reading mandatory Peace Corps information daily, doing research about the culture I'll take up residence with in Malawi, and last but not least keeping my composure in the midst of it all. How do I do it? With the love of God, and the support of family & friends. I'm indebted and very grateful to those who have helped me get to this place be it close or afar. So here's to my first blog entry, and starting the clock for my 90 day countdown until my departure. I will attempt to update this once a day before leaving and as communication slows down, and technology disconnects me with the masses, I'll make every effort to blog once a week from Malawi